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Thanks for visiting my diary. I've been journaling since 1984 and have chosen to share some of my entries online. They are not all positive thoughts, but I hope that reading them might be a blessing to someone who needs encouragement.
If you are just coming to my diary for the first time, please read my introductory entry, where I share some background that is important if you plan to follow this diary regularly.
Please also visit my music page, where you can hear samples from my debut CD, I Believe, which features songs written based on experiences shared in this journal.
Tonight I called Elaine. I never knew and still today do not know how sick she is. She wasn't there, and Bob sounded kind of funny. After I hung up, I wondered: If she died, would he have the heart to tell me. I think he knows that she never told me how sick she was. She did not want to worry me. Would I ever find out?
I dreamed about Elaine the night before I left. I knew that I was not going to see her before I came back here, and I did not know if she would be alive until May. I dreamed that I went to a restaurant with her. After we ate, she took me in an office and kept pointing to a lot of file cabinets. "I want you to finish what I have begun," she told me. But I woke up before I could find out what it was that she had begun. Now I wonder. What is it that she would like to see me accomplish? What could I do that would give her peace? Was that the only chance I would ever have to find out how she would want me to go on?
I wanted so much to see her when I was home! I wanted to tell her that she was my mentor. She was one of the people who really believed in me. But now I am afraid and angry to think that I may never have a chance to tell her any of that. Why hadn't I done it sooner?
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http://www.growingstrong.org
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