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Thanks for visiting my diary. I've been journaling since 1984 and have chosen to share some of my entries online. They are not all positive thoughts, but I hope that reading them might be a blessing to someone who needs encouragement.
If you are just coming to my diary for the first time, please read my introductory entry, where I share some background that is important if you plan to follow this diary regularly.
Please also visit my music page, where you can hear samples from my debut CD, I Believe, which features songs written based on experiences shared in this journal.
All I intended to do yesterday was write out memory verses. As I read, You gave me understanding of certain passages. Some of these passages seem obviously applicable to a friendship I have that has been damaged. I need to put away my anger before I confront the other person about anything. I'm not even sure I will be able to confront her. I keep thinking that You have taken my anger. But it is still there, and I have to put it away every day.
My fiance just finished reading Dating With Integrity. I wanted to read it, so that is what I am doing today. It's not a book about relationships between Sisters, but something in it applies. I am not supposed to seek my own blessing--I am supposed to bless others and trust God to bless me. Lord, does this mean I am supposed to bless others even when they are walking the wrong way? How do I bless them without reinforcing what they are doing? In this particular case, how can I bless a friend who is ignoring me without communicating approval of her actions in her impure relationship with a man? How can I bless her while she is abusing my friendship? I have to do it in Your strength because if I had the responsibility I would just ignore her and tell her she had waited too long to show me she cared about our friendship.
I thought my problem with selfishness was getting better, and I'm sure it is. But it has to be revealed before it gets better. I want my friendship with a certain person healed because I want a friend, not because of how You can use it and me to bless others. Somehow I've got to get rid of this selfishness. I don't exactly know how to do that. I know that I have to choose not to act selfishly, but this doesn't change the feelings I have. It doesn't change the pain. Only You can do that. If I am faithful in choosing to walk inhumility, will You take care of my pain?
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