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Thanks for visiting my diary. I've been journaling since 1984 and have chosen to share some of my entries online. They are not all positive thoughts, but I hope that reading them might be a blessing to someone who needs encouragement.
If you are just coming to my diary for the first time, please read my introductory entry, where I share some background that is important if you plan to follow this diary regularly.
Please also visit my music page, where you can hear samples from my debut CD, I Believe, which features songs written based on experiences shared in this journal.
People don't like to acknowledge that it's possible to be a Christian and still hurt very deeply. Yes, it's possible. I have a page on my Web site where I share very openly about my struggles with depression and mild mania. Someone wrote to me very recently and asked if I had heard of or considered the possibility of demonic oppression because there was such a contrast between the depression and my life as a Christian.
My mail back to this person bounced, and now I'm glad. It's given me time to think and realize just what I think of the depression I've experienced all these years.
God never promised me that He would remove all problems from me if I followed Him. I'll have to look it up, but I think somewhere it is made very clear that on this earth we will have trials and tribulations. They are not things that He can't see us through. It has taken me a long time to get to a point where I can rejoice in my suffering. Ok, some days I do better than others. In the past I've dealt with it by separating all that was unacceptable from myself. In that process, I began separating all that was good and happy as well. Taking it back is very difficult. Accepting things about myself hurts ... a lot. But I'm trying.
Most people aren't comfortable with expressions of pain. They want to keep their mind in some dream world where nothing bad ever really happens. Now who's healthier, them or me who might separate myself from the pain but happen to be able to look it in the face from any number of directions because of that separation and say, "I will walk on." I have momentary spurts of happiness here in this life. I know that each of those is a gift from God, and I've been reminded of how precious they are. But it is my trials who have made me what I am.
I am a member of Lighted Path, a directory of Christian diaries.
Read my profile. This is not a comprehensive introduction, but there is some fun information there.
Visit my official site to read more of my writing:
http://www.growingstrong.org
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