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Thanks for visiting my diary. I've been journaling since 1984 and have chosen to share some of my entries online. They are not all positive thoughts, but I hope that reading them might be a blessing to someone who needs encouragement.
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This makes no sense to me. And it just never ends. This just never stinking ends!
My local eye doctor's office calls. He won't give me the referral for continued treatment by Dr. Trese. He doesn't think it's necessary for me to keep going out of state. Yet nobody in this entire state could have done the retina surgery, and there were only two cornea specialists he would consider recommending. And besides, surgery's done, bud. Shouldn't the follow-up be done by the people who did the procedures? But no, he doesn't think it'snecessary. Well, apparently Dr. Trese does, and now I'm stuck in this stinking tug of war! At least that is how it feels. I haven't even mentioned that now I start paying office visits to the cornea specialist. Hm. Is it really worth messing with all the paperwork and going to the OR to get my stitches out in June? Maybe I just need to hold it together and have it done in the office. This is ridiculous! This whole thing is just ridiculous!!!
The nice lady at Dr. Trese's office is out until after Easter. Ok, fine. I'm thinking maybe somebody else can help me. Yeah right! The lady starts going off on how I have to call Dr. M.'s office and get their permission for her to call them. What in the world is that about? A doctor can't call another doctor without his permission? Ok, am I stupid or are they pulling one on me? And well, since my appointment's not until April 27, she says just wait and call Mary after Easter. Oh, whatever. And in the meantime I sit here like this is no big deal? Uh huh.
I'm tired of this. At least I kept from screaming. This is actually a really good thing. I don't believe any of this. Of course, mom will say it's no big deal and dad will fly off the handle just like I'm doing. Hmmmm... Total extremes. And meanwhile, there's a part of me that just wants to throw up my hands and tell them to fix it for me and another part of me that thinks I'm a big girl now and I should be able to handle this. Oh, the lady in Dr. Trese's office that I talked to today says, "Where's your dad?" all condescending like. I asked her what she was asking that for. She says, "Well, he brings you, right?" Yes, but I'm still the one who's responsible for my own stuff. They can't even release information about me to my parents. But she wants to know if he's talked to anyone!
Ok, well, mom just called. I told her I can't get the referral, and all this other stuff. She said, "Oh, for crying out loud!" Well, somehow that made me feel better. I guess part of why this gets me so worked up is I feel like I'm doing so much of it alone, without even much emotional support. And the truth is I need it--I need it from my parents. Oh, no. Here I go. I need a lot of stuff from my parents, and I never know whether or not I'm going to get what I need or whether I'll be given the message that my needs are blown out of proportion. *sigh* Now I'm overwhelmed, and since I'm not yelling and throwing things I wouldn't mind crying.
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