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Thanks for visiting my diary. I've been journaling since 1984 and have chosen to share some of my entries online. They are not all positive thoughts, but I hope that reading them might be a blessing to someone who needs encouragement.
If you are just coming to my diary for the first time, please read my introductory entry, where I share some background that is important if you plan to follow this diary regularly.
Please also visit my music page, where you can hear samples from my debut CD, I Believe, which features songs written based on experiences shared in this journal.
I don't feel like my needs or desires are being considered in this move. I cannot plan for any education or training. I have no way of getting a job. The only thing I've been able to do is offer to keep Harmony for $200 a month, and I wonder how much SSI I'll lose because of this. I don't think I am ever going to get on my feet financially. The world just moves ahead and assumes I'll somehow get the money or help to buy software to access their computer systems so I can get a job and pay my own way in society. But I'm not able to do this. I have bad credit and hardly any money. Is this my fault for not tithing? I suppose most things are my fault for not being responsible or doing the right things. Maybe this is not true, but it has to be true because otherwise the situation is completely out of control and there isn't much hope.
I've wanted a child since I was 16. Maybe that's stupid and I'm too immature. I have been away from Kyle for a year, and I want a husband who wants me as much as he did and treats me 100 times better emotionally. Why would anyone else be interested in me? I'm a fat, irresponsible, unstable, inconsistent, selfish, poor, sinful blind girl. Right now I don't even think I deserve to be called a woman. I'm supposed to be so young. Why do I feel like time for me to have a family is running out? And if you want me to only please You, then why do I want a family at all?
Why won't You give me my songwriting back? Why am I still not reading the Bible? Why everything? I'm tired.
I am a member of Lighted Path, a directory of Christian diaries.
Read my profile. This is not a comprehensive introduction, but there is some fun information there.
Visit my official site to read more of my writing:
http://www.growingstrong.org
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