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Thanks for visiting my diary. I've been journaling since 1984 and have chosen to share some of my entries online. They are not all positive thoughts, but I hope that reading them might be a blessing to someone who needs encouragement.
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People make me so MAD sometimes!!! Gramps finally called Mom from Minnesota. He told her that Aunt Vi is in a coma and can't hear anything. Mom said, "Now you don 't know that," because even the doctors told us that we should talk to Granny even if she was in a coma because the subconscious mind might be picking up something. Gramps said, "This is a different situation," (fm Granny's, I guess he meant). Mom says it's his family, not hers. So in other words that makes it okay. I know she can't do anything about it, and I guess maybe it's a good thing I'm not there because I'd be really angry at them if I was.
I have no doubt that people are sitting around her bed talking about how she's going to die, and that certainly wouldn't give her any will to live if she was hearing anything. I figure, and I don't know anything, that a coma is like a deep sleep. You still hear things in your sleep, whether you're aware of them or not. Just because you can't communicate doesn't mean you can't hear! People move in comas and everything.
The whole thing just makes me furious! If I could be with her, I'd tell her that she is still the same person she has always been and they don't understand what's happening, or else they wouldn't treat her that way. I know it's going on because I know it went on over my grandmother's bed. Gramps and my aunt talked about things they would never EVER talk about if they knew she could hear them. I know she could hear, and I know she understood right up to the last hour. Probably the last minute. And I'm sure Aunt Vi can hear and understand somewhere inside where no one can understand or know.
I hope that someday when I'm old and in a coma, I can jump out of it long enough to tell people to shut up about death when they're around me. I want them to be honest, and I want them to feel free to be sad around me, but I don't EVER want them to act like I am just a body because I will never be just a body. I have a brain and a heart and a soul, and if my family believes the things they say they believe, then they believe that my soul is alive whether my body works or not. We've been talking in my special ed class about how people who are mentally retarded aren't emotionally or spiritually retarded. Well, just because my body isn't going to work forever doesn't mean that my heart and soul don't work and aren't aware. That's the way I feel about it, and that's the one thing about me that will never change as long as I live.
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