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Thanks for visiting my diary. I've been journaling since 1984 and have chosen to share some of my entries online. They are not all positive thoughts, but I hope that reading them might be a blessing to someone who needs encouragement.
If you are just coming to my diary for the first time, please read my introductory entry, where I share some background that is important if you plan to follow this diary regularly.
Please also visit my music page, where you can hear samples from my debut CD, I Believe, which features songs written based on experiences shared in this journal.
Dear Julie,
I want to respond to something you said last night. I don't want to say this in a negative way, but I say it because of all the people I have met, you have seemed most open.
It is a challenge for me to be here, but the challenge is not academic. It is social. It is to meet someone who is not afraid of saying something that will offend me. It is to become a part of a group who makes me a part of them. It is to find a place where I am needed. I want to meet this challenge, more than anything else.
I don't know exactly why I decided to write this. It was just something I thought of that I wanted to tell someone. Thanks again for reading for me, and thanks for reaching out.
I thought very seriously about whom I could tell about my deep loneliness. I did not know how much fear I was holding back until I started wondering who in this world would be receptive to it. Who would hear me with care instead of sympathy? Who would be a friend instead of an adviser?
Julie was the person who came to mind over and over. She had read some English for me. When I met her, she said, "If you ever need anything, please call." I could still feel her warm spirit as if I were again meeting her for the first time. I thought, prayed, and read the Bible. I read that Moses had had to depend on a staff to convince the people that God had spoken with him. That was surely a big step of faith to take.
With fifteen minutes to spare before chapel, I folded my letter, put it in an envelope, and dropped it in the slot marked "Campus Mail" in Decker Hall. I had to take my own step of faith; it was the only alternative to the loneliness I was feeling.
I was about to start taking notes from a lecture when I heard a soft knock on my door.
"Come in," I said.
"Hi, Sarah. It's Julie. I wanted to talk to you."
My heart skipped a few beats as I wondered what Julie would say. Had I shocked her? Did she think I was always sad and lonely? Had I chosen the right person to talk to?
"I just got your letter in campus mail," she said. "I want to be a friend for you, to help you with your challenge."
"Thy Word is a lamp unto my feet and a light unto my path," David wrote. As I returned from my liberal arts class, I understood his words. I had read God's Word and learned about a man who had taken a much larger step of faith than I had ever had to take. I had taken what seemed to be the biggest step I could take, and the Lord had shined His light on the road I should take. By taking that step, I had opened my heart enough that He could reach out to me and release some of the fear that kept me from growing. This time the praise I lifted up to Him came from my heart as well as my mouth. I had prayed so fervently for a friend, and I knew that God had heard me.
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