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Thanks for visiting my diary. I've been journaling since 1984 and have chosen to share some of my entries online. They are not all positive thoughts, but I hope that reading them might be a blessing to someone who needs encouragement.
If you are just coming to my diary for the first time, please read my introductory entry, where I share some background that is important if you plan to follow this diary regularly.
Please also visit my music page, where you can hear samples from my debut CD, I Believe, which features songs written based on experiences shared in this journal.
I have a hard time sometimes knowing what to call pain and loss of vision. Today, for instance, I am having some soreness which could just be irritation from so much medication (10 drops per day) or could be an eyelash in the eye, and my vision is blurry. I don't want to not report something that should bereported, but don't want to go to the doctor at every irritation either--it could get old.
I didn't realize how much I had lost or how much I had adjusted to life as a person who could not even see a light unless it was the sun or two feet away until yesterday, when I opened my good eye on a regular day and was overwhelmed by the brightness and amount of stuff to look at. It's hard not to overdo this looking stuff--I want to enjoy it all, and it's hard for me to realize that it will all be here in a few weeks and that I will probably see it better then anyway. My eye is very weak, probably from so manymonths of not seeing. It is extremely tiring to look at things, even for a moment, and the doctor did tell me that the surface is probably irritated because of the medication and that I feel this because of my rapid eye movements which I cannot control.
I have searched high and low for information, testimonies, etc, about sight restoration. It is very hard to come by, especially from the perspective of someone who was technically blind from birth. I have not regained anything more than what I had as a child--in fact, I have not regained that much. But I credit Jesus Christ with everything. He could have chosen to have me adjust to the loss of the small amount of vision I had, but instead He seems to have allowed me at least a glimpse of the world as I once knew it!
I will have to work on not focusing on the gift but on the Giver. Should the transplant be rejected, I don't need to be left wondering what kind of punishment it is or something of that nature. If He gave me nothing but the few glimpses of the last couple of days, I know the ecstasy of the smallest sight in a way that the average person probably never considers. I don't say this snobbishly, but I believe it is true. What is to most people, even most doctors, a medically insignificant (because it is not measurable) amount of vision is the world opening up for me. Just one example: I was exclaiming earlier over looking at the tissue I was using to clean the water out of my eyes. It's nothing big, but to me it was the most fascinating thing to be able to see such a small object and to recognize that it is white!
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