powered by SignMyGuestbook.com
Thanks for visiting my diary. I've been journaling since 1984 and have chosen to share some of my entries online. They are not all positive thoughts, but I hope that reading them might be a blessing to someone who needs encouragement.
If you are just coming to my diary for the first time, please read my introductory entry, where I share some background that is important if you plan to follow this diary regularly.
Please also visit my music page, where you can hear samples from my debut CD, I Believe, which features songs written based on experiences shared in this journal.
I don't know where to start. I have been wanting to write since the first of the year, but I just didn't. I wanted to write something flowery and impressive, but I have nothing of the sort to say. I wanted to believe that the turn of the milennium was a special time to be alive, but I don't feel like it is. I feel very lonely and hopeless. I do not care about much of anything because I do not feel like my life is going anywhere or ever will go anywhere. I cannot support myself. I feel guilty and hopeless about this. I've spent ten years in school for no reason, and I despise myself for it. And what an awful thing to despise oneself!
More than anything I want to teach, and then when I have done this for a while, I want to be a therapist. But the road to teaching seems so long and impossible. I probably cannot go to school this spring. I probably should not go until fall. But what will I do with nine months of living at home doing nothing? Lord, I know that You know all these things I am pouring out. You know about the loneliness that never seems to end, the deep desire for a place of my own, and the need for a means to be a self- supporting, productive member of society. I am nothing but a welfare bum right now, regardless of what people say. I want to be able to get off welfare, but I cannot seem to do so. I have plenty to do here, but I hate living here.
I don't even want to finish this entry. I just want to go to bed because living does not feel worthwhile right now.
I am a member of Lighted Path, a directory of Christian diaries.
Read my profile. This is not a comprehensive introduction, but there is some fun information there.
Visit my official site to read more of my writing:
http://www.growingstrong.org
Did you enjoy reading my diary? Feel free to share it with other people you know. Tell your friends about my diary. If you have your own site, you can link to me using the URL: http://freeinjesus.diaryland.com.
Email me directly. This is the best way to get a message to me personally and privately.
Leave me a note here at Diaryland.
powered by SignMyGuestbook.com