powered by SignMyGuestbook.com
Thanks for visiting my diary. I've been journaling since 1984 and have chosen to share some of my entries online. They are not all positive thoughts, but I hope that reading them might be a blessing to someone who needs encouragement.
If you are just coming to my diary for the first time, please read my introductory entry, where I share some background that is important if you plan to follow this diary regularly.
Please also visit my music page, where you can hear samples from my debut CD, I Believe, which features songs written based on experiences shared in this journal.
You have revealed some things to me about myself and my situation. One is that I am very angry because I keep holding things inside. Another is that I hold everything inside because I don't want to make people "feel bad". Somewhere there is a balance between accepting that this time something isn't working out and not responding to things that consistently hurt me. I don't know where that balance is, and the part of me that never wants to impose on anyone thinks I am always feeling sorry for myself.
I am also angry with others for not responding to things in their life (or in mine when that was something they could or should have done). I want to point my finger and say they taught me to be this way.
Well, maybe they did, but now that I am aware of the balance and the problems I have, I have the responsibility to change or not to change. The only thing I can do about others is pray that they will come to understand that it isn't always selfish to respond when their needs aren't getting met. The bad habits I learned can be changed. They aren't worth spending energy to blame the people who "taught" me.
This is my burden this morning, and I am not sure how to lay it down. You can take it, though, and help me to trust where my heart doesn't.
Lord, please forgive me for my anger and bitterness. I understand that people sometimes act in ignorance, and I forgive them for that. Oh, never mind. I forgive them for whatever they're doing, in ignorance or in full knowledge. I forgot I'm not the judge. I don't know how to break any bonds of control or dependence I have on other people. Is talking honestly with them the answer in this case?
Please show me how to intercede for people who hurt me. What's the prayer? What can I do for the people I have been thinking about? How can I serve them and be a friend to them? I will trust You on this one.
Reading about the importance of the Israelites' journey in our lives today brings me to a realization. I wrote last month about Your calling me to tithe at just the right time, just when I had paid off my bills. It seems that I am at a point now where I must choose to pursue holiness or to harden my heart. I will choose to pursue holiness.
I am a member of Lighted Path, a directory of Christian diaries.
Read my profile. This is not a comprehensive introduction, but there is some fun information there.
Visit my official site to read more of my writing:
http://www.growingstrong.org
Did you enjoy reading my diary? Feel free to share it with other people you know. Tell your friends about my diary. If you have your own site, you can link to me using the URL: http://freeinjesus.diaryland.com.
Email me directly. This is the best way to get a message to me personally and privately.
Leave me a note here at Diaryland.
powered by SignMyGuestbook.com