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Thanks for visiting my diary. I've been journaling since 1984 and have chosen to share some of my entries online. They are not all positive thoughts, but I hope that reading them might be a blessing to someone who needs encouragement.
If you are just coming to my diary for the first time, please read my introductory entry, where I share some background that is important if you plan to follow this diary regularly.
Please also visit my music page, where you can hear samples from my debut CD, I Believe, which features songs written based on experiences shared in this journal.
John the Baptist denounced evil wherever he went. I am usually afraid to speak up when I see someone doing something wrong, especially if the person already knows he/she is doingsomething wrong. I need more boldness, Lord. He then summoned them to righteousness. This is the difference between condemnation and conviction. He pointed to God and not to himself.
Why is John's clothing and food significant? Because it is a description of Elijah. It was said that Elijah would come before Jesus came.
I keep thinking that You are talking to me about witnessing. Thinking about the chance I had to talk with Patty yesterday, I can see that You are talking to me about witnessing. But, Lord, I feelso unready--even unworthy to witness! I am not very faithful to You with my quiet time. How can You trust me to witness? How can I ever be ready?
Yesterday I told Patty that I would not put school before church. I thought that was pretty cool witnessing... But I've been putting school before my quiet time. The church was my god instead of You, Lord. Please forgive me for this. You know how much help and self-control I need to get this schoolwork done. It feels like I need more time than I have. I need You to help me. I need the strength and energy to do what I have to do to catch up.
"Blessed are the poor in spirit; for theirs is the kingdom of God."
Poor people have nothing to be proud of. They are often embarrassed because they need help. I was going to study aboutthis during my quiet time today, but I didn't make it that far. I guess I need to learn this lesson for real.
I know I have a problem with anger about my blindness. I feel incomplete, like my faith is not strong enough for You to heal me. I don't want to need other people, especially when I don't see that they need me. I don't want to look awkward and helpless.
I don't like having these "crises" Gina talks about. I don't know how to get rid of them. I want to be acceptable to You and toothers.
If I was healed, what problems would I have? I don't mean that in a bitter way, Lord. You know this. I wish I could becontent in You with what I have, but that seems to be impossible for me.
Why did you ask the two blind men what they wanted? Why did You heal them? They said, "Have mercy on us!" They knew they could not move You. You healed them because You had compassion on them. I hear You saying that wanting something is okay, and expressing that desire to You is okay. I do hear You saying that You will heal me in the end. I am not responsible to manufacture more faith. That comes from You, and I have to seek You if I want more faith.
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