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Thanks for visiting my diary. I've been journaling since 1984 and have chosen to share some of my entries online. They are not all positive thoughts, but I hope that reading them might be a blessing to someone who needs encouragement.
If you are just coming to my diary for the first time, please read my introductory entry, where I share some background that is important if you plan to follow this diary regularly.
Please also visit my music page, where you can hear samples from my debut CD, I Believe, which features songs written based on experiences shared in this journal.
I am not supposed to be useless to God. After I realized what I had been doing with my quiet time and my studying yesterday, I thought that I must be useless to Him. But then He led me to read about John the Baptist and started talking to me again aboutwitnessing.
I've been having problems with condemnation lately, and I've been praying about it. Yesterday, it seems, God dealt with the condemnation for me. Messing up doesn't make me useless. If itdid, God would have lost all His servants a long time ago. So it's not right for me to hang on to the condemnation.
Last night Gina and I went to Billy and Tammy's house for a prayer meeting. I am supposed to sing at Chi Alpha next week. Ithought Gina was going to go with me, but she isn't. When she told me that, I got upset because I hate going by myself.
At first, I planned to tell Gary that I couldn't sing. Besides not wanting to go alone, I like the prayer meetings. I've given up singing before, and I didn't understand why You would ask me to do it again. The last time I asked for Your confirmation, You said, "I have already shown you."
I knew that I had to give up something else this time. I have to give up my greatest need, and I have to do it with a good attitude.
I have to learn to be flexible. At the same time, I have to learn to be humble and depend on people when I really need them.
This is also a test. Are my need for friendship and my fear of losing Gina's friendship more important than doing what God wants me to do?
My attitude is as important as my obedience. I have to be able to die to my desires, and I have to be able to rejoice inspite of the pain. Lord, I want to do these things. I am afraid of losing my friendship with Gina, but I want to overcome the fear. I don't know if I can let go without crying a lot.
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