powered by SignMyGuestbook.com
Thanks for visiting my diary. I've been journaling since 1984 and have chosen to share some of my entries online. They are not all positive thoughts, but I hope that reading them might be a blessing to someone who needs encouragement.
If you are just coming to my diary for the first time, please read my introductory entry, where I share some background that is important if you plan to follow this diary regularly.
Please also visit my music page, where you can hear samples from my debut CD, I Believe, which features songs written based on experiences shared in this journal.
I gained about 20 pounds during my third year of college (first year at this one), mostly thanks to changing schools to a school with a yummy cafeteria with yummy desserts. I moved to an apartment and started doing my own cooking, and I maintained even though not eating perfectly for about 2-1/2 years. Then I got on Depakote. Depakote and other meds do cause weight gain, and I didn't know that ahead of time. I ate constantly, hungry or not. I ate because I had cravings and was near food, and this is very unlike me.
One thing that I have considered very important about the weight/size thing is that I am a person of small frame. I know muscle weighs more than fat, and I have gotten a lot more in shape since coming here. That is why I am going more by my measurements than by my weight. I have never been unnaturally thin or even naturally thin, just small. I have clothes in my closet that are realistic for me to wear, and I use them as my target.
A lot of people don't think I look overweight because I carry it pretty well. But I can feel it, and I know that for me there are physical advantages to not being overweight. I am not, however, going to obsess on it. I talk about weight with my husband when we can discuss it rationally. I do get offended when people get irrational with me about my dieting efforts, but I think it has more to do with their attitude than with my weight.
I took a pregnancy test this morning and it is positive. I am feeling so good today! I told Mom, and she made some comments about wondering why we were not being careful & using protection. I couldn't tell her that we have been wanting a baby. My husband commented this morning that now it feels like there is more to show for our marriage than a piece of paper. Not that we are married just to have babies, but it feels real now. I feel like I have actually succeeded and gotten close to having a dream come true that I thought would never come true. After the other engagement went so badly, I thought I did not deserve a family or even a husband. Now I will have both, and I feel so good inside! This sexuality stuff has been such a struggle for me all along! I am making progress and even starting to be more spontaneous and have a small bit of desire, and that is new and feels like there is hope for me!
I am a member of Lighted Path, a directory of Christian diaries.
Read my profile. This is not a comprehensive introduction, but there is some fun information there.
Visit my official site to read more of my writing:
http://www.growingstrong.org
Did you enjoy reading my diary? Feel free to share it with other people you know. Tell your friends about my diary. If you have your own site, you can link to me using the URL: http://freeinjesus.diaryland.com.
Email me directly. This is the best way to get a message to me personally and privately.
Leave me a note here at Diaryland.
powered by SignMyGuestbook.com