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Thanks for visiting my diary. I've been journaling since 1984 and have chosen to share some of my entries online. They are not all positive thoughts, but I hope that reading them might be a blessing to someone who needs encouragement.
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Please also visit my music page, where you can hear samples from my debut CD, I Believe, which features songs written based on experiences shared in this journal.
The beginning of yesterday was uneventful. Elli got her flea dip. Mom and I spent the day at Granny's. She's mostly staying in bed now. They got a hospital bed on Tuesday and fixed up the front room as her bedroom. It used to be the living room until they converted the garage into a living room. Then it was the dining room. Now it's a bedroom.
We left around 4:30 to pick up Elli and then pick up Lynda from driver's ed. Then we came home for everyone's dinner. Elli, too. Then we went back over to Granny's.
I thought my shock was over. But the change is still going on so much this week! I hate having to go back to school and think about making some decent grades. That's another story. But I was thinking about it because I'd rather be here. So I attempted to retreat to the back bedroom to think, pray, and cry. Mom caught me, so we did it together.
I had just pulled myself back together when I walked into the front bedroom to say goodnight to Granny. She had had her sleeping pill, so we all thought she would be going to bed soon. I walked in on another wailing-cry session. Actually, I am glad we did it because I think it was finally good for everyone to talk and cry together. I felt like everyone was so afraid of that!
Somehow, we started singing old hymns. I happened to have tapes in my purse, so most of that is on tape. I've never seen my family worship outside our church setting. All I can say is it was beautiful!
Then Granny started talking about the time she was driving to work and God spoke to her. I've never felt so close to her, even after reading her files!
We sang and talked for about three hours! Mom, Lynda, and I ended up having to go home around 10:00. I think everyone needed this. I did, and I have no doubt Granny did. Gramps came home from church right in the middle and joined us. It was THE FIRST TIME we had all been in the same room together and actually done something together. Most of the time we're all off in our own little worlds.
I'm glad I am here this week. Not necessarily in a jump-up�and-down way, but in a quiet ay. One of my first reactions to everyone coming down here (Gayle is coming in from Chicago tomorrow.) is, "Why do we wait until the last minute to spend time with the people we care about?" I almost felt guilty rushing down here, and I was glad I had spring break and hadn'tmade a special trip. But I can't do anything about what happened when I lived here. All I can do is be thankful for the time I do have. Sometimes I haven't had that time.
It's hard for me to figure out or even begin to understand everything. Granny noted in her files that today people are always examining their feelings, and she never had time to do that. I don't remember exactly what she said, but she had a point.
Oh, yeah, another amusing thing. Granny preferred my cookies to Cheryl's dinner last night. Snicker. And she told me to eat all my vegetables first. She's been on a restricted diet because of the chemo, and now she's off. So her motto is, "If it's bad, it's good," and she's been eating all the things she couldn't have.
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