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Thanks for visiting my diary. I've been journaling since 1984 and have chosen to share some of my entries online. They are not all positive thoughts, but I hope that reading them might be a blessing to someone who needs encouragement.
If you are just coming to my diary for the first time, please read my introductory entry, where I share some background that is important if you plan to follow this diary regularly.
Please also visit my music page, where you can hear samples from my debut CD, I Believe, which features songs written based on experiences shared in this journal.
I have always felt close to Granny in some way that I didn't understand. Even closer to her than to Mom. I felt it a lot last week. Around 7:30 this evening I had a "feeling" that something is wrong, and I need to go home. I have not ever felt like that. I have felt okay, in fact, very good. The only reason I am paying any attention to this is because things like it have happened to me. I was told to do or say something. I have seen what happens when I ignore it, and I have seen what would have happened if I had done or said it. I'll tell you: it's torture. I have, fortunately, also seen what happens when I do or say it. I personally believe it's a gift of some kind. The only thing is that I have never had any experience with it in my own family or my own life.
I couldn't find any of my family. Finally, after really breaking down for the first time, I found Cheryl at Granny's house. She said my parents were working late and asked what was wrong. I told her.
"Well, let me tell you about last night," she said. Granny started talking around 11:30 and kept getting clearer and clearer. She said God heals and He touched her. Then she talked about seeing Jesus and angels and them talking to her. Then she said, "Sarah has been healed a little." Then she talked about being with Ken, my uncle. "I want him to believe," she said.
Cheryl suggested I talk to Mike. So I finally found him. He said he talked to Granny this morning, and she was afraid no one believed her. He also said he had always felt that she and I had something special, and if she was in turmoil he wouldn't be surprised if I picked up on it.
When he said those two things, I really started wondering about this. I have not felt that I needed to go home until tonight. I did not feel any regret about having to leave, only a little "I'll miss her, but she is okay." I have said before that discernment is not my gift. I need some. I am very confused about this. There are some other things going on that have made me a little stressed today, and I don't know if this is a stress reaction or something valid. I need something clear.
I went into my "prayer closet" (the shower) around 11:15 PM (10:15 Texas time). All kinds of thoughts went through my mind. What does this mean? What do I do about it? "Lord, I need some discernment. Wait! I know You give the gifts when I need them, and I trust who the Holy Spirit sends."
That was the prayer. And then, "I want you to be a spiritual leader in your family." And then the song, and I honestly believe the Angels came and sang with me. Then I was too awed to sing.
We will glorify the King of kings.
We will glorify the Lamb.
We will glorify the Lord of Lords,
Who is the great I Am!
Then several lines of "Yes, He is the great I Am!"
"I live, I live. I am real.
And I come to you in your darkest night; I live.
I just finished saying to my dad, "I don't know if this is real. And I do believe now, as if I didn't before.
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