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Thanks for visiting my diary. I've been journaling since 1984 and have chosen to share some of my entries online. They are not all positive thoughts, but I hope that reading them might be a blessing to someone who needs encouragement.
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Please also visit my music page, where you can hear samples from my debut CD, I Believe, which features songs written based on experiences shared in this journal.
I got an Easter package from my mom today. She sent me a letter on computer disk. She wrote so well that I almost cried. She wrote about going to visit Kingwood in the hospital on Sunday. She said that she realized that he is searching for significance while living in a house full of people who go about their own business and pat him on the head or throw him a toy once in a while. "If there's any chance that he's aware of his aloneness, then I can spare the time and inconvenience to make him feel more significant and loved," she wrote.
She went to see him after choir practice Sunday. She had been looking for Martha to ask her something but couldn't find her. As she was driving out of the parking lot she saw Martha and Brenda. They asked her where she was going, so she told them. They said she shouldn't go out there at night alone, so they went with her. This letter humbled me greatly and brought me to an understanding of several things. I know that my mom too is lonely, and I would like to be a friend to her, one like she is to her dad. When I go home, surely I can spare the time to go to Kingwood with her. Brenda and Martha did. And Christ would have done it for any of us. Indeed, He DID do that for us. Going to Kingwood, if only to keep my mom from having to face her pain alone, is the least I can give back to Him. Now I understand why we kept going to see him and why she should never have to go alone.
This weekend I was so upset because I couldn't physically see the needs around me and therefore could not minister to them. Well, God has used this letter to show me how stupid I was being. Sometimes--most of the time--those needs are not physical. Loneliness cannot be seen, and I have known that deep in my heart for longer than I realized. The loneliness is inside. I am the one who wrote about seeing people's needs "deep beneath the laughter," remember? Yet I overlook that truth again and again!
"To love the Lord, our God, is the heartbeat of our mission," sang Steve Green. I believe that with everything in me. My purpose and desire is to love and honor Him, and I can do that by reaching out with His compassion to His people, just as I need them to do for me.
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