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Thanks for visiting my diary. I've been journaling since 1984 and have chosen to share some of my entries online. They are not all positive thoughts, but I hope that reading them might be a blessing to someone who needs encouragement.
If you are just coming to my diary for the first time, please read my introductory entry, where I share some background that is important if you plan to follow this diary regularly.
Please also visit my music page, where you can hear samples from my debut CD, I Believe, which features songs written based on experiences shared in this journal.
I am at an impass in therapy. Both Jeanie and I know she cannot help me. Maybe I need that inner healing stuff I read about. But there's no one to pray for me. I have no one to talk to except a God who I'm not even sure is really there or cares about me. He healed people a long time ago, but He doesn't seem to care about healing me in any respect. I want to just sleep forever. Reading old letters Vicki and I exchanged, I wonder whose writing that is. She was strong, or else very fake. Was I really that way? I'd like to be that way again, to get out of this confusion.
I keep thinking of people saying to just give my hurts to You. I know that in what they're saying, they are right, but when You say those things You are gentle. You would never make me feel guilty about my hurts. You would never tell me to "just get over it," even if you did tell me not to live in it any more. Deep in my heart, I don't want to live in the pain any more. I want togive it to You. I just don't know how. I don't know what to do about all the unmet needs. I need some of that inner healing I've been reading about, and maybe with my life I am supposed to be someone who prays for inner healing for others and that is to be an integral part of my work as a therapist, if I ever am a therapist.
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http://www.growingstrong.org
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