powered by SignMyGuestbook.com
Thanks for visiting my diary. I've been journaling since 1984 and have chosen to share some of my entries online. They are not all positive thoughts, but I hope that reading them might be a blessing to someone who needs encouragement.
If you are just coming to my diary for the first time, please read my introductory entry, where I share some background that is important if you plan to follow this diary regularly.
Please also visit my music page, where you can hear samples from my debut CD, I Believe, which features songs written based on experiences shared in this journal.
Today my parents and my sister came up, and we went to a wedding of a friend of my mom's. I've always been a little uncomfortable at weddings. It's gotten worse as I've gotten older. I know why, and it looks awful to write it down. I've always felt like everyone was going where they were supposed to go in life while I was stuck somewhere at the bottom of the hill. I've felt this way before living in the dorms and knowing everyone else was going out on dates or with friends.
I really thought I had this under control. I thought I had decided this dating stuff isn't for me. I'm going into teaching, and I want the freedom to spend time with kids because I care about them. I want the freedom to go wherever God takes me with music.
But any psych major knows this is pure avoidance. What I really want is someone who will share these things with me. None of the guys I've gone out with have had much in common with me, to be honest about it.
I got very discouraged sitting there in the wedding. I felt ugly or something. I've tried explaining this to people before, and they tell me I should feel lucky that guys aren't taking advantage of me. I know what it's like to be taken advantage of, emotionally. That made me feel ugly, but it was different. I can deal with that. I can't deal with feeling like who I am is not attractive.
I am NOT going to change just to get a date. That's never been an option. I like who I am, for the most part. I'm just not always sure other people like who I am. The only option I really see is to get this out of my system and wait until the right person comes along.
The real problem doesn't have anything to do with being attractive to the opposite sex, but that's what it is today.
I am a member of Lighted Path, a directory of Christian diaries.
Read my profile. This is not a comprehensive introduction, but there is some fun information there.
Visit my official site to read more of my writing:
http://www.growingstrong.org
Did you enjoy reading my diary? Feel free to share it with other people you know. Tell your friends about my diary. If you have your own site, you can link to me using the URL: http://freeinjesus.diaryland.com.
Email me directly. This is the best way to get a message to me personally and privately.
Leave me a note here at Diaryland.
powered by SignMyGuestbook.com