powered by SignMyGuestbook.com
Thanks for visiting my diary. I've been journaling since 1984 and have chosen to share some of my entries online. They are not all positive thoughts, but I hope that reading them might be a blessing to someone who needs encouragement.
If you are just coming to my diary for the first time, please read my introductory entry, where I share some background that is important if you plan to follow this diary regularly.
Please also visit my music page, where you can hear samples from my debut CD, I Believe, which features songs written based on experiences shared in this journal.
If church was a place where I felt accepted, I think I could want to come. I am only coming because it is "the right thing to do". I've always been told that church is Your house. I thought You lived inside my heart. It's hard to focus on You when my fellowship needs aren't met. I know I'm supposed to focus on You regardless of circumstances. But why is it that everyone else's social needs get met but it is all right for me to be exposed repeatedly to this pain?
But once again I cannot tell anyone what my needs are. I can tell only You, and You refuse to meet my needs. No, I am not certain You love me. How can I think that eternal life will be better when all I've ever heard is that things will be better in a few years and the few years go by and things are not better?
I have to pretend like the pain never happened if I want people to like me. Have to put on a happy face because I should be happy to be in church. I now have two things against me: being blind and being psychologically messed up. So the pain grows and boils, and if I can't let it out, it might kill me someday. But letting it out is neither good nor possible. If I let it out, then I have to leave it behind, and I don't know how to leave it when I have to go through it over and over.
I am a member of Lighted Path, a directory of Christian diaries.
Read my profile. This is not a comprehensive introduction, but there is some fun information there.
Visit my official site to read more of my writing:
http://www.growingstrong.org
Did you enjoy reading my diary? Feel free to share it with other people you know. Tell your friends about my diary. If you have your own site, you can link to me using the URL: http://freeinjesus.diaryland.com.
Email me directly. This is the best way to get a message to me personally and privately.
Leave me a note here at Diaryland.
powered by SignMyGuestbook.com