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Thanks for visiting my diary. I've been journaling since 1984 and have chosen to share some of my entries online. They are not all positive thoughts, but I hope that reading them might be a blessing to someone who needs encouragement.
If you are just coming to my diary for the first time, please read my introductory entry, where I share some background that is important if you plan to follow this diary regularly.
Please also visit my music page, where you can hear samples from my debut CD, I Believe, which features songs written based on experiences shared in this journal.
A couple of years ago, I took Depakote for mood swings. I've suspected for a while that I might be bipolar and also may have complex partial seizures, but don't have a diagnosis of either one. Anyway, I took the Depakote for several months, and it did help with all the symptoms. I got off after a while because I wanted to see how I did without meds. But lately I've been having trouble again. I tried Paxil, but it really drugged me up. I was afraid to take the second one because the first one was not even out of my system yet. So I stopped it.
I've been feeling really overwhelmed. Had to return to school this summer because I failed a class. During my finals week, the marriage junk was going on, and I was very stressed out. School started again this week, and I've been doing really bad. The cycling has been very fast, and it finally hit home last night that perhaps what I was going through might be a mixed episode. Last night, I was feeling this drive to stay up all night and do homework and also had energy and wanted to talk to people, but at the same time I was so sleepy and suicidal! It is very unusual for me to feel that way, and I am not a self-injurer. I'm glad that I am not because I probably would be in the hospital if I was, and that would only make my life worse!
So today I went to the doctor and asked for a new med combo. He gave me Depakote and Prozac. I started the Depakote and am already noticing a levelling off of the moods and interest in school and the rest of life returning. I don't have the Prozac yet. I guess I just wanted to tell someone that because it feels so wonderful to have hope and be functional and somewhat stable!
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http://www.growingstrong.org
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