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Thanks for visiting my diary. I've been journaling since 1984 and have chosen to share some of my entries online. They are not all positive thoughts, but I hope that reading them might be a blessing to someone who needs encouragement.
If you are just coming to my diary for the first time, please read my introductory entry, where I share some background that is important if you plan to follow this diary regularly.
Please also visit my music page, where you can hear samples from my debut CD, I Believe, which features songs written based on experiences shared in this journal.
Psalm 31:5 Into your hand I commit my spirit; you have redeemed me, O LORD, faithful God.
Psalm 34:18 The LORD is near to the brokenhearted, and saves the crushed in spirit.
Luke 12:12 for the Holy Spirit will teach you at that very hour what you ought to say."
Remember three weeks ago I heard that He wanted me to be a spiritual leader in my family? I can't say I know how to do that.
Romans 5:5 and hope does not disappoint us, because God's love has been poured into our hearts through the Holy Spirit that has been given to us.
Romans 8:26 Likewise the Spirit helps us in our weakness; for we do not know how to pray as we ought, but that very Spirit intercedes with sighs too deep for words.
Romans 8:27 And God, who searches the heart, knows what is the mind of the Spirit, because the Spirit intercedes for the saints according to the will of God.
2 Corinthians 3:17 Now the Lord is the Spirit, and where the Spirit of the Lord is, there is freedom.
Ephesians 1:17 I pray that the God of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of glory, may give you a spirit of wisdom and revelation as you come to know him,
1 Thessalonians 5:19 Do not quench the Spirit.
Two days ago Mike told me that Granny is only expected to live three to six more days. I have mixed emotions: relief that she won't be suffering much longer; sadness that she has to go so soon; shock at the finality of this.
I wonder how I can feel so close to her. Is it just because she was always around? Is it because I went on that vacation with her five years ago? What's different about her from my other grandparents? I have felt the finality before, but never so much loss.
At first I wanted to go home again. I wanted to talk to her. But what more is there that I could say? I saw her move from a state of pain into a certain amount of peace. I know that she loves me, and I know that somewhere beneath all her confusion she knows I love her.
Why so soon?
Why not? There's always something more to see, something else to do, someone else to visit. Once again I find myself thinking what I have always thought: eternity is what's important. Several times I have said that I see the end. I only need to see the strength for the middle. How beautiful that Granny can experience the end at last! There is no doubt in my mind where she is going. I know that she can now see face to face the Glory that I have seen glimpses of during just the last five weeks. I know that I will see her again.
Of course, I still feel sad and shocked. I will miss being able to physically touch her. I will miss her feedback into my life. But I know that she is with me. I know that her love is forever alive in my heart, always there for me to draw strength from, because love never dies.
Well, I chose a semi-appropriate place to have my emotional outburst: chapel. This guy sang that Steve Green song, "He Who Began a Good Work in You." I don't even know if that was the title, but that was the song. I kept thinking about how Nathan and I talked about this being a growing experience and maturity checkpoint for me.
Then I looked at that verse string again. Duck! I was too tired this morning to realize how fitting it is!
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