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Thanks for visiting my diary. I've been journaling since 1984 and have chosen to share some of my entries online. They are not all positive thoughts, but I hope that reading them might be a blessing to someone who needs encouragement.
If you are just coming to my diary for the first time, please read my introductory entry, where I share some background that is important if you plan to follow this diary regularly.
Please also visit my music page, where you can hear samples from my debut CD, I Believe, which features songs written based on experiences shared in this journal.
Dear Granny,
Suddenly I want to say so much! I want to tell you how I feel. I want to hug you just one more time. I want to tell you about all the lessons I am learning. I wish you could come back, but I know that would defeat the purpose in its own strange way.
You said you wanted God to be glorified whether by your life or by your death. I want to tell you that, at least in my own life, He has. I sit here amazed to know that His timing is perfect. I realize as I read my journal and letters that I thought that either I had heard wrong or His promise failed when you remained alive as I left five weeks ago. I understand now that He never fails. He always keeps His promises, and I am just learning to know His voice.
I am so glad that He allowed me to be with you when you met Him. You left so peacefully! I am glad for that, too. I know there would always be one more time to hug you, one more time to wonder if you knew I loved you. I can't even wonder if you knew how much I loved you. That can never be shown. I did not know�-and probably still do not know.
I am amazed, as I have been every time before, that I have followed His voice every time, though sometimes other voices were close at hand making me question Him and sometimes almost making me disobey. He truly has been faithful to me. I pray for more confidence in Him and more discernment. I think I already have it. I have to learn to trust it the same way I had to learn to trust what He says. In a way, this is also what He says.
I heard you start singing that wordless song today. I have heard you a lot since you left this world. Tonight I heard you speak to me. You said, "Just be there for your family. Pray for them. I love you, Babe." I need to remember your love, never to question it. I hope I can move quickly to the place where I smile when I think about you instead of cry. I'm excited about your service. I think it's going to be wonderful! I hope you won't mind the people crying. I'll try to communicate to them and to be whatever kind of leader I'm supposed to be. I am really feeling in the dark about that, but I'll walk along because I know He is leading me. I'll sing for you, and I hope you like my song. It's not sad to me. It's about three memories I treasure very much. I saw the most of His glory in your last few weeks, especially our last week together. And I'll read my journal entry.
I am thankful for the memories I have of you. I love you, and I will never forget you.
Love,
Sarah
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