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Thanks for visiting my diary. I've been journaling since 1984 and have chosen to share some of my entries online. They are not all positive thoughts, but I hope that reading them might be a blessing to someone who needs encouragement.
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Please also visit my music page, where you can hear samples from my debut CD, I Believe, which features songs written based on experiences shared in this journal.
1 Corinthians 7:32-35 "I want you to be free from anxieties. The unmarried man is anxious about the affairs of the Lord, how to please the Lord; but the married man is anxious about the affairs of the world, how to please his wife, and his interests are divided. And the unmarried woman and the virgin are anxious about the affairs of the Lord, so that they may be holy in body and spirit; but the married woman is anxious about the affairs of the world, how to please her husband. I say this for your own benefit, not to put any restraint upon you, but to promote good order and unhindered devotion to the Lord."
When I first read this passage, I was very disappointed. I have always thought that someday I was supposed to get married and have children. As I grow up and see my peers getting married and having children--and often getting divorced--I feel that I am somehow unacceptable. Sometimes I feel that I am being deprived of a blessing.
This afternoon I watched "Highway to Heaven" on TV. Michael Landon said to an old man who is losing his interest in life: "There are pluses and minuses to growing old. You just have to work on your pluses."
Now I understand that there is more to accepting God's will for me than merely putting up with whatever circumstances I don't like. I can regard my circumstances with joy if I work on my pluses.
I chose to ask my roommate to move out a few weeks ago. I did not do this so that I could be alone. I did it because we were incompatible. I don't really like living alone, but tonight as I was thinking, I realized that living alone has a lot of pluses. I can do the things that I enjoy and that bring me closer to the Lord without being in anyone else's way or waiting for my privacy. I can put things where I want them and manage my house in a way that I feel is best, and no one will change anything.
Having a roommate or getting married may be a blessing I receive someday. It is a blessing I want to receive only if it is in God's plan for me. Anything else is stressful if it last sat all. For now, I am content to be alone and have the freedom to grow as the Spirit leads!
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