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Thanks for visiting my diary. I've been journaling since 1984 and have chosen to share some of my entries online. They are not all positive thoughts, but I hope that reading them might be a blessing to someone who needs encouragement.
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Today I went to Grandma and Grandpa's with a new friend, Erica. I met her when I tried out for the SFA talent show. I was scared. She had also tried out. When I was finished, she came up and said, "Now I know why I stayed. I needed to hear that song." We decided to go out to Grandma and Grandpa's then.
Grandma and Grandpa had a speaker out tonight. They do that every so often. They'll build a fire out in the yard, and everyone will sit around and sing before the speaker speaks. Anyway, this guy talked about how he is recovering from alcoholism. I got really frustrated listening, right in the beginning. I thought, he's a success story. He made changes in the way he treats his family. If God can change him, why did Vicki have to die? Why didn't God change Marty?
Well, I've been thinking about some things lately (not really related to Marty), and I think maybe God was preparing me for what happened tonight. A few months ago I talked about how Marty's life was so messed up when Vicki died? Well, that still goes. I don't know if it was God's will for Vicki to die at that time. I don't think I'll ever know that. But I do know that God ALLOWED Vicki to die and that He can and will use that for a purpose and that purpose will be the best thing. I do know that Vicki's death, whether it was God's will or not, destroyed Marty's life. God could have chosen any way to bring Marty to the place where he is now.
Anyway, what I've been thinking is that it's not right for me to give up on people. The least I can do is pray for them, that somehow God would show them that there's something besides beer that gives them what they need. There's a place in the Bible where some of Jesus' disciples asked why they couldn't cast a demon out of a child. Anyway, the answer was, 'This kind can only come out by prayer and fasting.' Well, it is wrong for me to stop praying for people who are struggling with sin, And tonight I realized that I should be praying for Marty, too. As long as he is still alive and breathing, it is not too late for him to change. And as long as he is still alive and breathing, he deserves every prayer I have.
That's what I ended up thinking by the time the speaking was over. Mindy and I went into one of the bedrooms and prayed together, and I cried so hard that I almost made myself sick. I felt a lot better after that. It was a really emotional thing, but I think it was another step in the right direction.
Lord, thank You for putting new people in my life when I need them. Thank You for helping me to reach out to Erica. I always start to hope again when this happens.
Thank You for blessing my time with Mindy and for using her to minister to me. Thank You for Your healing in the situation with Vicki. Please help me to accept her death and find another Sister who will minister to me.
Please touch Marty's heart, and Dawn, Jennifer, and Kristen's. Help them to realize that their emptiness can only be filled by You. Draw them by Your Spirit so that they will want nothing more than to have a living relationship with You. Release them from the bonds of alcohol, Lord. Help me to pray and fast until these demons flee.
Please touch Rachel and help me to minister to her. Draw her toward You and open her heart to hear what You say to her. Help me to be open to what You would have me say.
I don't know where You are calling me to go after I am finished here. I know I really don't need to worry yet, but it would be nice to know. I feel a strange longing to be near Rachel and to minister to her. Where do You want me to go, Lord?
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