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Thanks for visiting my diary. I've been journaling since 1984 and have chosen to share some of my entries online. They are not all positive thoughts, but I hope that reading them might be a blessing to someone who needs encouragement.
If you are just coming to my diary for the first time, please read my introductory entry, where I share some background that is important if you plan to follow this diary regularly.
Please also visit my music page, where you can hear samples from my debut CD, I Believe, which features songs written based on experiences shared in this journal.
Lord, I need You to do something really specific in my life. I don't want to put You in a box, but I do want to open up and lay my feelings before You. I wish You would go back and change things and make Vicki still be alive. There is no one I can talk to about this. The only person I know who could help me with this is Vicki. I want to know why she was afraid and if that fear caused her to die. Did You allow her to die so that she would be with You, or did You give up on her? Somehow it doesn't seem consistent that You have such mercy on us and at the same time that You would give up and let someone who had been as close to You as I thought Vicki was die and not be with You.
Why didn't I call her? What was I supposed to say that I didn't say? I wish she would be alive for once, if only just in my dream when I go to sleep, just long enough for me to tell her I love her and find out that she is still the Vicki I knew. I don't want her to have turned away from You, and that's the bottom line. How do I separate something like the possibility that she is not with You from the things she taught me about You? What do I do, Lord? Why haven't You responded to me in all this time? Am I closed to You? This pain feels so big! How much more do I have to endure before You answer me?
I am a member of Lighted Path, a directory of Christian diaries.
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http://www.growingstrong.org
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