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Thanks for visiting my diary. I've been journaling since 1984 and have chosen to share some of my entries online. They are not all positive thoughts, but I hope that reading them might be a blessing to someone who needs encouragement.
If you are just coming to my diary for the first time, please read my introductory entry, where I share some background that is important if you plan to follow this diary regularly.
Please also visit my music page, where you can hear samples from my debut CD, I Believe, which features songs written based on experiences shared in this journal.
I went to the fair with Mom and my sister and my niece. I've had experiences where I was "included" as in being in the same place with people and even being told I was wanted there, but it wasn't backed up by the people's actions. Even last night at the fair, this nagged at me. I was having a blast, but it was loud and in those environments my hearing stinks and people kept turning and talking about stuff and everyone seemed to know what was going on but me. And no one seemed to care unless I asked two or three times what they were talking about. My niece was the one who seemed to really want me there the most, and that really helped me push the nagging feelings away. But I think it's experiences like this that set the stage for doubting true community even when it stares me in the face. And it's people planning things in front of me that I'm not included in or going off and doing things without bothering to tell me or invite me that set the stage for the other fears. This happens all the time here... I'll get all psyched up about an idea of doing something with Mom, and maybe the first time I bring it up she thinks it's a cool idea. But she isn't paying attention, and later it comes out that she has plans for that time; and she doesn't bother to suggest another time, or when she does it's just kind of like working me into her already so busy schedule. Hello...?
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