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SARAH'S SCRIBBLINGS

May 11, 2002
12:00 p.m.

about doubting community

I went to the fair with Mom and my sister and my niece. I've had experiences where I was "included" as in being in the same place with people and even being told I was wanted there, but it wasn't backed up by the people's actions. Even last night at the fair, this nagged at me. I was having a blast, but it was loud and in those environments my hearing stinks and people kept turning and talking about stuff and everyone seemed to know what was going on but me. And no one seemed to care unless I asked two or three times what they were talking about. My niece was the one who seemed to really want me there the most, and that really helped me push the nagging feelings away. But I think it's experiences like this that set the stage for doubting true community even when it stares me in the face. And it's people planning things in front of me that I'm not included in or going off and doing things without bothering to tell me or invite me that set the stage for the other fears. This happens all the time here... I'll get all psyched up about an idea of doing something with Mom, and maybe the first time I bring it up she thinks it's a cool idea. But she isn't paying attention, and later it comes out that she has plans for that time; and she doesn't bother to suggest another time, or when she does it's just kind of like working me into her already so busy schedule. Hello...?

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