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Thanks for visiting my diary. I've been journaling since 1984 and have chosen to share some of my entries online. They are not all positive thoughts, but I hope that reading them might be a blessing to someone who needs encouragement.
If you are just coming to my diary for the first time, please read my introductory entry, where I share some background that is important if you plan to follow this diary regularly.
Please also visit my music page, where you can hear samples from my debut CD, I Believe, which features songs written based on experiences shared in this journal.
I have come to the point where I am more concerned about obeying God and doing His will than anything else, no matter what the cost. I am learning to look for His Glory instead of beg for His intervention. Sometimes He does intervene, and I am learning to recognize that.
I am learning that I NEVER hear wrong. This was really driven home the morning my grandmother died. I had been so sure I would be with her when she died. When she didn't die that second time I went home, I thought I must have heard wrong. There was no way she'd make it to Easter, and I did not have the resources or the time to go home again. I could only afford to miss class again if it was for a funeral.
When she was given three to six days, I was ready to go home so that I could make sure I was there. No, Mom said. I should wait for a phone call. So I was disappointed again. I am still realizing how God steps in when it's time. Yeah, He does things at the last minute, and for me, that's how I am having to learn to trust Him. If He acted on my every request instantly, it would be easy. Not only does He know what's best, but His timing is what makes the picture so beautiful. My uncle was able to go and spend some time with Granny during the last week of her life. Twelve days after the three to six days was given, she died. I was there and only missed class for the funeral.
I am still learning what the beauty was and all the whys, but there is one thing I know without a doubt. When God speaks, I would rather obey Him than miss out on His Glory. When I'm not sure, I would rather obey Who I think is Him, even if I don't know why, than risk missing His blessings. Also, I am learning that when I make a mistake, He steps in so that His will does get done.
We can't know His will or understand Him on our own, and we can't earn knowledge and understanding. Those are His gifts to us, and I am finding that He gives them abundantly when I ask for them and will receive them and use them to His Glory.
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