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Thanks for visiting my diary. I've been journaling since 1984 and have chosen to share some of my entries online. They are not all positive thoughts, but I hope that reading them might be a blessing to someone who needs encouragement.
If you are just coming to my diary for the first time, please read my introductory entry, where I share some background that is important if you plan to follow this diary regularly.
Please also visit my music page, where you can hear samples from my debut CD, I Believe, which features songs written based on experiences shared in this journal.
I understand the need for unconditional love, the fear of being alone, the wanting to die at times, and so on, that people I know have experienced. I have been there at one time or another in my life. I think that part of the "problem" I have is that at some point life does have to go on. A certain degree of a certain number of symptoms can constitute an illness, and probably if I wanted to, I could let my symptoms get to that point. But the symptoms don't have to be in control, and I have trouble thinking that the symptoms excuse a person from taking responsibility. For a long time I struggled with a lack of motivation that kept me from keeping my house clean and getting things done for school. I don't know how this got started--maybe I had a reason for it in the beginning--but the only reason I have now for not doing anything is that I just don't feel like it. But other people who are required to live with me and work with me don't feel like it either. So who gave me the corner on suffering?
While I was at home, I talked to my mom about my abuse history. She actually had time to talk about it and was very open to it. I realized while I was talking to her that these are not my problems to handle before God, and they are not my problems to live with here. These are other people's problems. Not mine. I don't have to live within them or in their control. All I need to do is realize that I have a right to have boundaries and to expect others to respect them.
I am a member of Lighted Path, a directory of Christian diaries.
Read my profile. This is not a comprehensive introduction, but there is some fun information there.
Visit my official site to read more of my writing:
http://www.growingstrong.org
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