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Thanks for visiting my diary. I've been journaling since 1984 and have chosen to share some of my entries online. They are not all positive thoughts, but I hope that reading them might be a blessing to someone who needs encouragement.
If you are just coming to my diary for the first time, please read my introductory entry, where I share some background that is important if you plan to follow this diary regularly.
Please also visit my music page, where you can hear samples from my debut CD, I Believe, which features songs written based on experiences shared in this journal.
I sure have been thinking about Granny a lot lately. I don't even know how to describe it. I guess most of this started when I wanted to listen to my song last night. I keep remembering those moments. I remember walking in and feeling the weight in the air. I remember standing there crying by her bed, feeling like maybe I had done the wrong thing, that I was so helpless. I remember how by that time the slightest thing was a joy or a sorrow for her.
I keep remembering my analogy of coming out of anesthesia. I don't know how I came up with that. I keep remembering people saying she wasn't aware any more. NO ONE can tell me that! If that analogy is correct, then "She is not aware of what's going on any more" is the most blatantly false statement I have ever heard!
Is this supposed to be the grief process I did not go through? I can't believe she isn't here any more. I just wanted a little more time. I know: I always just want a little more time. I never even got to know her, really. I only know who she really was from her writing. I wanted to ask her questions. I wanted to know what she thought about things. ...
Won't You come and be with me? This is probably the one time I want someone here, and there isn't anyone.
I am a member of Lighted Path, a directory of Christian diaries.
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http://www.growingstrong.org
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