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Thanks for visiting my diary. I've been journaling since 1984 and have chosen to share some of my entries online. They are not all positive thoughts, but I hope that reading them might be a blessing to someone who needs encouragement.
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Please also visit my music page, where you can hear samples from my debut CD, I Believe, which features songs written based on experiences shared in this journal.
Well, a lot of things have been going on. Dawn went to Austin last weekend on a whim, which upset me because I had hoped we would be able to clean up our house over the weekend since neither of us had done it during camp. So James came over, and we cleaned everything except Dawn's room. On Sunday night, Amy moved in. She and Jenny are going to be staying here this fall, and Dawn was planning on moving into a one-bedroom apartment with Jennifer. Anyway, when Dawn got home, she announced that we had a new cat. Our lease says that we cannot have any pets because they aren't allowed in the apartments. Dawn said, "Well, Stacy's doing it." Stacy is our upstairs neighbor.
All I could think was that someone would probably find the cat, and I would be in such big trouble. I asked Dawn to find somewhere to keep it until she moved, and she kept saying that it was so bad to move the cat around so much. I finally talked to the manager, and we were issued a warning that said we had 24 hours to get rid of the cat. Dawn decided to move in with Jennifer on Monday instead of waiting until August 13. So now Amy and I are waiting for Jenny to get here.
James and I got our rings on Wednesday. I thought we would have to wait for them to be sized, but all of them fit. They were also cheaper than we expected them to be, and they were just what we wanted.
I got new glasses this week. They are stronger than my other ones, and the lenses are positioned differently. I can see a lot better out of them, which is really neat.
I've been feeling like I'm not very good at anything, and I don't really know why James wants to marry me. Something he said in June was that he wanted to love me the way Jesus loves the church. I understand a little better now how Jesus loves the church. We are full of spots! We keep turning away from God and forgetting Him, and we can't seem to become what God wants us to be. But Jesus loves us anyway, and he can make us into what he wants us to be. That's really awesome. Lord, please give me the ability to communicate this to people who need to know that kind of love.
I'm really enjoying having Amy as a roommate. We are getting along well and sharing the housework. I'm trying to do better at staying organized because that is something I really want to do. I'm also trying to handle my stress and keep my spiritual life going. I'm also trying to eat better and exercise more. Maybe this will be a turning point for me.
Lord, I keep thinking about Elaine. I want to call her, but I always feel like I'm bothering Bob when he answers. I feel like Elaine wants to talk to me, but we can't get to each other. I keep remembering her saying that she doesn't have many living friends who believe in the Spirit. Lord, does she need that kind of ministry now? I wish You could use me to help her. And I also want to see her because it's what I want. I never said, "I love you." I'm sure she knows I love her. I just want the chance to tell her. I want to hug her and tell her I love her and that I will be standing there in front of You with her someday. Oh, Lord, I wish I could release this to You and feel Your peace about it. Please give me peace and show me if and when I am supposed to do or say anything.
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