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Thanks for visiting my diary. I've been journaling since 1984 and have chosen to share some of my entries online. They are not all positive thoughts, but I hope that reading them might be a blessing to someone who needs encouragement.
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I'm sitting here thinking about the dependency we've had on a lady to come in and do certain things (like cleaning and shopping), and it's something I've been trying to put in words for a long time. I think to some extent I got dependent on Mary doing things for us, and I have become hesitant to use other resources for certain things. Ironically, this was the whole reason I left Anderson.
It isn't that it's wrong to have someone regular come in and do things. But what was happening was that if Mary couldn't do it then it just wasn't getting done. I wouldn't get out and go to the store, even though I know that there's no reason why I can't take a cab and hook up with a customer service person. I don't like that option as much, but it's perfectly reasonable and, depending on the amount of shopping I do, may even cost lessthan Mary would charge. I paid someone $30 last week to take me shopping for three hours. I would have spent only $10 or $15 if I had done the customer service thing. In this particular instance, I chose to spend the extra money because it was more convenient for me. And the fact that it was a choice I made after weighing options made the difference in whether the situation was controlling me or I was controlling me.
So I'm still battling those dependency things. I suspect I always will be, but knowing that I'm doing it makes it a lot easier to think about situations and take that control.
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