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Thanks for visiting my diary. I've been journaling since 1984 and have chosen to share some of my entries online. They are not all positive thoughts, but I hope that reading them might be a blessing to someone who needs encouragement.
If you are just coming to my diary for the first time, please read my introductory entry, where I share some background that is important if you plan to follow this diary regularly.
Please also visit my music page, where you can hear samples from my debut CD, I Believe, which features songs written based on experiences shared in this journal.
Well, I'm all moved, and I thought that maybe I would be too busy to be lonely. That didn't work, especially when it looks like someone forgot to pick me up for Chi Alpha tonight. At times like these I don't know why I keep trying. Why not just stay in my house and waste away? But I trust in You, and I know You are here when no one else is. That seems crazy to me. I want some companionship--human. If I can't have it, then I want to sit in a bathtub and wash away all this hurt and bitterness.
What am I supposed to do if they call and apologize like they did last semester? I want to scream at them. I want to yell at You because I am so tired of this whole thing! I don't understand what good it does me. It certainly doesn't keep me from being distracted from my relationship with You. It's always easy to find something else to occupy my time. I don't see how it has brought me closer to You, either. Why do I have to sit at home alone all the time? I knew I should have taken a cab. I wish I could make them feel guilty.
Lord, I am thankful that my anger does not offend You when it is laid honestly before You, but that You come and heal it. I am thankful that You heard my prayer tonight and allowed me to go to the meeting. I really want to believe You care about me and that You have a special place in Your heart and Your world where I will fit in. Please help me to find that place. I am so tired of searching.
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http://www.growingstrong.org
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