Thanks for visiting my diary. I've been journaling since 1984 and have chosen to share some of my entries online. They are not all positive thoughts, but I hope that reading them might be a blessing to someone who needs encouragement.

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SARAH'S SCRIBBLINGS

September 20, 1996
7:30 P.M.

fear of dissociation

I have to get this out. I don't know if it is legitimate or if I am just being paranoid--you know, they told us in one of my psych classes that a person could look at the DSM and diagnose himself/herself with whatever because he/she is looking for it and sees some of the characteristics in the self.

I've written about my blank-outs, and I try to ignore them. I have a very in-tact memory of my life--only three periods of abuse, all of which are past bothering me. But I do still have the blank-outs in response to certain things--mainly facing fears of being rejected by peers or criticized by people. Sometimes I am afraid that I have parts inside that are just waiting to explode out when I am out of control.

I used to write in a journal every day, and now I don't. I know that I have been repressing a lot of things and now I can't get to my feelings very well. So I am afraid they will find a way to come out and I won't know about it.

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