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Thanks for visiting my diary. I've been journaling since 1984 and have chosen to share some of my entries online. They are not all positive thoughts, but I hope that reading them might be a blessing to someone who needs encouragement.
If you are just coming to my diary for the first time, please read my introductory entry, where I share some background that is important if you plan to follow this diary regularly.
Please also visit my music page, where you can hear samples from my debut CD, I Believe, which features songs written based on experiences shared in this journal.
My financial situation is all messed up. I had to use laundry money to buy Elli some food that might last for a couple of weeks. I owe money to two phone companies, a credit card company, and the vet, not to mention other places.
Elli is not working very well. I have been told to have her eyes checked, and I am going to A&M this week to do this. I have missed a lot of school, and I am afraid I won't be able to keep up and do well.
I've been getting farther and farther away from You. You have no reason to take me in and help me again. I have broken my promise to You so many times! I deserve to be in this mess and hurt like this. I should take responsibility for my own financial problems--after all, I was the one who created them. I was irresponsible about going to class, and I deserve to be behind. I can either fail or drop out again. I deserve the two-faced treatment and accusations of being in rebellion from the person who spoke to me in June. Hurting about my friend's situation is a price I deserve to pay for getting too deeply involved in something that really is too big for me.
But something that part of me wants to deny and scream at keeps telling me that there is somehow a way out of my financial problems. It keeps telling me that if I work hard, I can catch upin my classes. It tells me that I am accountable to You and not to that other person. It tells me that my friend's situation is not too big for You and that with Your help she and I, as her friend and Sister in You, can go on in the way that is right. It tells me that I did not hear wrong when I heard You telling me to invite her here to live and grow. It tells me that there is hope for our relationships with You and with each other.
I know that this is Your offer to me, Lord. Please help me to accept it and to give all these things to You. I cannot go on alone. I cannot go on with help from another person. I can only go on with Your help.
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