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Thanks for visiting my diary. I've been journaling since 1984 and have chosen to share some of my entries online. They are not all positive thoughts, but I hope that reading them might be a blessing to someone who needs encouragement.
If you are just coming to my diary for the first time, please read my introductory entry, where I share some background that is important if you plan to follow this diary regularly.
Please also visit my music page, where you can hear samples from my debut CD, I Believe, which features songs written based on experiences shared in this journal.
I don't want to do what I am about to do. But then Paul said, "I don't do the things I should do and I do the things I shouldn't do" or something to that end. Well, it wasn't "should" but "want to". Anyway, this is something I should do, and I don't want to. Isn't it strange, though? I started out to do it a few weeks ago and abandoned it.
Why do I want healing? What lies have I believed that have caused me to ask for healing with the wrong motives? It was never wrong for me to ask, but I know there are many lies going on which interfere with my spiritual life, and they are evident in this particular area of my life. I'll just list them and stop rambling.
God doesn't love me if He doesn't heal me.
My faith isn't strong enough because God hasn't healed me.
My faith could make God heal me.
Other people would like me if I was healed.
I wouldn't need anyone if I was healed.
Needing something from other people is bad.
I am selfish.
If I didn't need so much, other people would be happy and would like me.
Other people's happiness is more important than mine.
I am stupid and incompetent because other people think I am stupid and incompetent.
I cannot make it in this world as a blind person.
Losing my vision is a punishment for something I did or didn't do.
If I don't read my Bible, God won't accept me.
It is my fault that other people are unhappy.
God doesn't need me for anything.
I am not good enough for God to use right now.
I will never be able to provide for myself or live independently with my own income.
God won't heal me unless I totally accept myself the way that I am.
I should not want healing.
I am selfish for wanting healing.
God wants me to suffer.
God doesn't care about my feelings.
God only cares about what happens in heaven and whether people get there.
It is my responsibility to behave in a way that would make my mom happy.
If I don't do this, it is dishonoring my mother.
I am a member of Lighted Path, a directory of Christian diaries.
Read my profile. This is not a comprehensive introduction, but there is some fun information there.
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http://www.growingstrong.org
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