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Thanks for visiting my diary. I've been journaling since 1984 and have chosen to share some of my entries online. They are not all positive thoughts, but I hope that reading them might be a blessing to someone who needs encouragement.
If you are just coming to my diary for the first time, please read my introductory entry, where I share some background that is important if you plan to follow this diary regularly.
Please also visit my music page, where you can hear samples from my debut CD, I Believe, which features songs written based on experiences shared in this journal.
I can't stop thinking about Vicki for some reason. I still feel so empty, so broken, so incomplete. I don't know why I have any reason to doubt whether she is with You if I believe that You save us by grace and by grace alone. Many of my thoughts seem consistent with salvation by works, and this makes me very uncomfortable.
Right now it doesn't seem like You are going to answer my questions. Neither does it seem like You will be helping me put them to rest. (I am probably holding on to them too tightly.) I am getting nowhere talking to friends. What can they say that hasn't been said? For a moment I can understand where they are coming from instead of feeling like they are giving me easy answers because they are busy.
What I really want is a hug, someone who will let me cry and talk until I have worn myself out, and then maybe I can rest, and maybe someday I can accept what has happened. I can't handle the feeling that I have nowhere to place my trust because things are so unstable. I know I should be putting my trust in You. I am not doing a very good job of that.
I know answers to the questions I am having. Answers are not what I want. Assurance is what I want; peace is what I want. I can talk all I want, but until what I say hits me, talking will get me nowhere.
I don't know what to do or what to ask You for. Good sleep and energy tomorrow, and please, someone who will put up with me for a while.
I am a member of Lighted Path, a directory of Christian diaries.
Read my profile. This is not a comprehensive introduction, but there is some fun information there.
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http://www.growingstrong.org
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