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Thanks for visiting my diary. I've been journaling since 1984 and have chosen to share some of my entries online. They are not all positive thoughts, but I hope that reading them might be a blessing to someone who needs encouragement.
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I had an interesting dream last night. I'm tired, but I want to write it down because I think it's significant. A few weeks ago, I dreamed that I was moving into the dorm at AU. I sort of blew that off thinking it was just something about wishing I was in college.
I dreamed again about being at AU. It was almost like some weird continuation of the other dream. I was taking some different types of classes, almost like a combination of all the different majors I ever had. It was Friday night, and I had three or four tests coming up and realized that I hadn't read any chapters. Yikes! Then I realized that going to the Seeing Eye was going to put me even farther behind. So I started thinking that I'd just withdraw again. Then I was worrying because my parents would have to come all the way from TX to move me home. Then I realized that they were right here in town and I could just move back into my own house--and since I had a house why was I living in the dorm anyway??? Then I started thinking, "Why put myself through all this mess with school? I could really try to get going with Discovery Toys."
I just thought it was a weird dream until I started telling Mom about it. While I was telling her, I had an interesting thought. It was almost like the me who went to school is giving up those old dreams and making a decision to put my energy into this new venture. I think I've become Sarah Jane now, and the college Sarah Jane is here, in me, and she knows all the things people at AU said about her aren't true. She understands that yes, lots of other people can have the problem and it doesn't necessarily mean something is wrong with her. And she understands that she doesn't have to fit into society's mold of getting a degree and having a career in that field, that it's ok to do what she's able to do and enjoys doing.
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