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Thanks for visiting my diary. I've been journaling since 1984 and have chosen to share some of my entries online. They are not all positive thoughts, but I hope that reading them might be a blessing to someone who needs encouragement.
If you are just coming to my diary for the first time, please read my introductory entry, where I share some background that is important if you plan to follow this diary regularly.
Please also visit my music page, where you can hear samples from my debut CD, I Believe, which features songs written based on experiences shared in this journal.
This morning I called and told my supervisor I was working at home, and I mentioned I wanted to talk about my hours. she had asked me how many hours I wanted to put in, and I had said 20 to 25 a week. She had said she thought that wouldn't be a problem, so I took that to mean what it said. We had also talked about the possibility of me coming in on specific days so I could find something else part-time to supplement.
Well, she sent me a note back saying basically that she had been approved to have a contractor but that it wouldn't necessarily be regular work. It sent me back into the fear stuff, wondering if I might show up one day to be told there's nothing for me to do right now, and then I'd either twiddle my thumbs and not get paid for it or have to go home. That's a huge huge trigger for me. I just got really scared, and I was very glad I wasn't at work.
Christy helped get me back on track. She had me list out all the projects going on that I know about. I'm not going to be out of work anytime soon. SoI tried laying the fear aside so I could get some work done. If I let it paralyze me, it would become a self-fulfilling prophecy; and that's what got me in trouble in the past.
But still, what do I do with this? It's very scary. How do I achieve my dreams when I don't know what my income is going to be next month? How does a person live like that?
Faith. Faith that God knows my needs before I ask. Faith that He has a plan for me: a plan to prosper me. Faith that He provides all that I need to do what He calls me to do. All I have to do is act and go through every door He opens. And I have to be responsible with the opportunities I'm given. I can't sleep the day away when I do have the ability to work. I'm in a good situation right now where I have the ability and the resources to work from home. So within reason, when I stay home I need to get some work done. I know how much I'd like to bring in. I need to work as hard as I can when the work is available so that I can avoid the trap of trying to scramble for work at the end of the month.
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http://www.growingstrong.org
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