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Thanks for visiting my diary. I've been journaling since 1984 and have chosen to share some of my entries online. They are not all positive thoughts, but I hope that reading them might be a blessing to someone who needs encouragement.
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Please also visit my music page, where you can hear samples from my debut CD, I Believe, which features songs written based on experiences shared in this journal.
I found a therapist to interview. I have an appointment for Feb. 3 in the evening. I don't really like the idea of therapy on Wednesday nights--wanted that night free for church activities. But I think once I get some transportation arrangements worked out with the paratransit system, I can make it during the days.
I also had a long talk with my dad about how to get myself ready for therapy since I've done a lot of work on my own. We ended uptalking about the bad therapy experiences and why I feel that memory work is important for me, which led into a discussion about dissociation. I asked him if he remembered when I used to take two tape recorders and sing with myself over and over until I had a choir of Sarahs. Once I wrote a song on the general theme of feeling sort of lost in the crowd--I was 13. When I recorded the song, I took two tape recorders in the living room after school. I put the first tape in and talked a bunch of nonsense. Then I put the second tape in and played the first one and recorded myself saying more nonsense. It ended up creating the idea of a roomful of people talking.
Dad remembered this. I told him that is what my head is like. He said, "Sarahs are talking to you." I said yes. It was a very comfortable discussion, and I did not feel threatened or pushed to get over it or anything. He even said that if it takes me years of therapy to get better it's ok. He said, "Let's not value your recovery. Let's just do it."
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