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Thanks for visiting my diary. I've been journaling since 1984 and have chosen to share some of my entries online. They are not all positive thoughts, but I hope that reading them might be a blessing to someone who needs encouragement.
If you are just coming to my diary for the first time, please read my introductory entry, where I share some background that is important if you plan to follow this diary regularly.
Please also visit my music page, where you can hear samples from my debut CD, I Believe, which features songs written based on experiences shared in this journal.
What is wrong with me, Lord? I hate being lonely. I hate being here alone all the time. Why can't I establish friendships? Other people have friends who seek them out. They go out and do things. They enjoy each other's company. Are You punishing me for not spending time with You? And if I do spend time with You, will You be too jealous to bless me with friends because they might take away from my time with You?
That sounds so awful! I wish I could find solace and joy in You. I wish Your presence and love would be enough. Why do I have to endure this? At least if You aren't going to bring me physical friends, won't You take away my longing for them?
Or is that a silly question? Is this a battle I have to fight? Is it my cross? I can't carry it any more. I feel ugly, worthless. Who is going to want me to teach their children? No one even wants to be my friend! It's too hard. It costs too much energy. I can't measure up to what they want me to be. I can't measure up to what You want me to be.
Please help me to accept Your help.
I am a member of Lighted Path, a directory of Christian diaries.
Read my profile. This is not a comprehensive introduction, but there is some fun information there.
Visit my official site to read more of my writing:
http://www.growingstrong.org
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