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Thanks for visiting my diary. I've been journaling since 1984 and have chosen to share some of my entries online. They are not all positive thoughts, but I hope that reading them might be a blessing to someone who needs encouragement.
If you are just coming to my diary for the first time, please read my introductory entry, where I share some background that is important if you plan to follow this diary regularly.
Please also visit my music page, where you can hear samples from my debut CD, I Believe, which features songs written based on experiences shared in this journal.
My roommate and I went to see Twila Paris in concert last night. The first thing that happened was that we all sang "The Star-Spangled Banner." I thought that was quite fitting with the war being kind of over. Then we sang "We Will Glorify."
Later she sang a song about a "thorn in the flesh." That is something that Paul refers to. She said it could be a physical affliction, but it could also have something to do with another person. I started thinking about the person I fought with and the trouble with my roommate. It just happened that my roommate was sitting next to me. I realized that I did not want to hold a grudge against them any more, but I wanted to show them the unconditional, untiring love of God. I felt that at that moment, the record of wrongs that I talked about earlier was completely washed away.
When Twila sang about being thankful for the "piercing revelation of a proud heart so quick to judge," even though she never thought she would say she felt that way, I took another step in the healing process that continues to go on from the day when I first disagreed with them.
"Which tape is this on?" my roommate asked me.
"'Cry for the Desert,'" I said.
"Do you have it?" she asked.
"Yes."
"Can I borrow it?"
I believe that during that song she experienced a moment of healing, too. I will probably never hear about it, but that's the way it should be. Emotional healing IS sometimes very piercing, and it will be a private experience. It should be that, unless the person decides to share it. So I promised myself that I would never ask any questions about how they feel about what has happened this year.
Later we sang "How Beautiful is the Body of Christ." I was touched when we sang, "How beautiful the tender eyes that choose to forgive and never despise." I know that line is talking about Christ, but in that moment I was like Christ, and I was beautiful.
At the end we all sang "Carry the Light." I sang loud, and I felt like I was being lifted, like I could fly. I knew that I had to and wanted to carry the light.
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