powered by SignMyGuestbook.com
Thanks for visiting my diary. I've been journaling since 1984 and have chosen to share some of my entries online. They are not all positive thoughts, but I hope that reading them might be a blessing to someone who needs encouragement.
If you are just coming to my diary for the first time, please read my introductory entry, where I share some background that is important if you plan to follow this diary regularly.
Please also visit my music page, where you can hear samples from my debut CD, I Believe, which features songs written based on experiences shared in this journal.
Seven and a half years is a long time to have an untreated injury. This is exactly what I have had--an untreated spiritual injury. It wasn't that God didn't care. It was that I was going to Him without understanding of my need. He knew the need all along and has been trying to guide me into the healing He wanted to give me, but I have been a quite difficult patient. I have focused on only the symptoms of the injury, wanting only relief for the symptoms and ignoring the cause of the pain.
I suppose I should stop speaking in the abstract and expose the wound for what it is. It is not an uncommon wound. In fact, it may be the most common cause of spiritual trouble which people are suffering. In fact, the problem is actually two wounds which work together in a destructive pattern. They are the very two problems which started humankind on the destructive path away from God. One is knowledge of good and evil, or of perfection and imperfection; and one is the attempt to use my own abilities to create perfection based on this judgment. However, I am still speaking to you somewhat in the abstract. I will break this down even further and tell you specifically what happened to me. Then I will tell you how it applies universally.
In 1991, I was presented openly for the first time with the idea that if I really had enough faith, I would be healed. I was sitting in my dorm room with several other college freshmen. One of the girls stated that she believed "that if you have enough faith you'll be healed". She went on to say that she believed that healing was as natural a part of the spiritual life as salvation. After much discussion, questioning on my part as to why I was not healed after six years of living life as a Christian, and questioning on her part as to whether my parents had ever really prayed for my healing, I was left with many questions and the foundation of a wound which would grow very deep. Already the knowledge that I was physically inferior to my fellow human beings was imbedded in my soul, and the destructive seed of shame and feelings of spiritual inferiority was planted. Such a seed does not take long to take root and begin to spring up in many areas of life.
I can imagine that Eve's experience was not much different from mine when she was questioned by the serpent in the Garden of Eden. "Did God really say this?" The implication is obvious: "Do you really know what God said? Is your relationship with God really as strong as you think it is? Can you really hear Him and understand Him very well?" What a bold attack on Eve's position as a child of God! If that is not clear enough, there is no need to wonder when the serpent says, "For he knows that if you eat it, you will be like him, knowing good and evil," making plain the fact that Eve does not know the difference between good and evil and is therefore stupid and inferior.
In an account so short as we are given in the Bible, we can be certain that snatches of conversation were omitted. Let us imagine how the conversation between Eve and the serpent might have gone if we were given a more detailed account...
I am a member of Lighted Path, a directory of Christian diaries.
Read my profile. This is not a comprehensive introduction, but there is some fun information there.
Visit my official site to read more of my writing:
http://www.growingstrong.org
Did you enjoy reading my diary? Feel free to share it with other people you know. Tell your friends about my diary. If you have your own site, you can link to me using the URL: http://freeinjesus.diaryland.com.
Email me directly. This is the best way to get a message to me personally and privately.
Leave me a note here at Diaryland.
powered by SignMyGuestbook.com