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Thanks for visiting my diary. I've been journaling since 1984 and have chosen to share some of my entries online. They are not all positive thoughts, but I hope that reading them might be a blessing to someone who needs encouragement.
If you are just coming to my diary for the first time, please read my introductory entry, where I share some background that is important if you plan to follow this diary regularly.
Please also visit my music page, where you can hear samples from my debut CD, I Believe, which features songs written based on experiences shared in this journal.
Every so often circumstances shift (or maybe God manipulates them) so that I end up in a retreat setting. I had a feeling this week would end up that way. I'm only in the first day and already banging away!!!
I have been thinking through what has happened with my eyes since January. I am noticing that God's primary mission is to build His kingdom rather than to fill earthly needs. Sometimes filling needs is a part of that process; sometimes not.
I don't know if this physical healing will continue. I wouldn't be disappointed if it did, but it is not as important to me as it was. God does heal eyes, and He does heal hearts-�and makes them stronger than they were before.
I am realizing how limited my understanding was when I said I only wanted healing if it would glorify God. I thought of glorifying Him at that time in terms of using my vision to do things that would serve Him rather than allowing it to affect my perceptions of people in a negative way.
By January, the whole concept of and desire for healing had taken control of my spiritual life. I could not read God's Word without questioning why He had not healed me. I reached a point where I questioned His truth and ability. Looking at the prayer, I see that when I wanted to believe Him most but was finding belief most difficult, He stepped in and granted my prayer.
I have said before that His healing used to be met with joy and belief, but today it seems to be met with bitterness and skepticism. I don't remember any healings in the Bible which were not accompanied by a spiritual lesson. Today--and I might venture a guess that it happens more here in America than in a lot of other countries where the resources are fewer and needs are not automatically met before they arise--we seem more concerned with physical and material gain than with spiritual gain. Spiritual gain often requires a sacrifice on our part.
Apparently God answered my prayer when an answer would strengthen my faith. The strengthening of faith glorifies Him more than anything else, and I do believe there are times when answers might not strengthen faith. If the no answer would drive someone away from Him rather than cause him to seek the Lord, then perhaps a yes might be in order. I don't know this, but I am more sure than I used to be.
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