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Thanks for visiting my diary. I've been journaling since 1984 and have chosen to share some of my entries online. They are not all positive thoughts, but I hope that reading them might be a blessing to someone who needs encouragement.
If you are just coming to my diary for the first time, please read my introductory entry, where I share some background that is important if you plan to follow this diary regularly.
Please also visit my music page, where you can hear samples from my debut CD, I Believe, which features songs written based on experiences shared in this journal.
I hope I'm doing the right thing. I'm really scared about SFA, mostly because I don't want to be a loner this time. You know how much I would like to have friends and a real life, to be worth something to someone. I was really disappointed when no one wanted to talk to me this weekend. I really don't know what more I can do.
I'm almost afraid You are withholding friendship from me because You want my attention. You know how unhappy I am. Is that Your will? Why can't there be a balance of some kind?
I can only submit to You by Your power. I don't see how having friends who are interested in doing things with me and being around me can harm my relationship with You, except to serve as yet another distraction. But not having my social needs met is a heavy burden on my heart! Isn't that just as much a distraction?
I am trying to spend more of the first of my time with You--struggling, but still trying. I need You to draw me to You. If that means taking away my interest in everything else, I would so much rather see that than keep up under this thing I perceive as a need. I keep having to watch it be met for everyone around me, and that is also a distraction. I am so envious, so hurt! That is what bothers me the most.
I am a member of Lighted Path, a directory of Christian diaries.
Read my profile. This is not a comprehensive introduction, but there is some fun information there.
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http://www.growingstrong.org
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