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Thanks for visiting my diary. I've been journaling since 1984 and have chosen to share some of my entries online. They are not all positive thoughts, but I hope that reading them might be a blessing to someone who needs encouragement.
If you are just coming to my diary for the first time, please read my introductory entry, where I share some background that is important if you plan to follow this diary regularly.
Please also visit my music page, where you can hear samples from my debut CD, I Believe, which features songs written based on experiences shared in this journal.
I forgot to thank You for working things out on Sunday. I'm glad that James and I were able to go to church together and thatwe had a good lunch after church.
I seem to be in a bad mood a lot lately, Lord. I wish I could get out of it, but I don't like pretending to be happy when I'm not. I'm not happy, and no one cares about it. No one wants to be around me. I don't even think James wants to be around me. That hurts because I want him to hold me and love me so I can get allthis out of my system. But I guess he's tired of it or something. Are You tired of it, too, Lord? I want to know You care about what happens to me. But when I read the Bible, all I find are things that tell me I can't get to You.
I want my fellowship back with You. I want to read Your Word and find something in it that helps me. I want to BE happy instead of just pretending to be happy.
And I want my fellowship back with James. I want him to be happy with me when I'm happy. I want him to support me when other people don't.
I want to belong in Chi Alpha. I want to be a part of the worship and the ministry and the fellowship. I need them all. I thought You made people to fellowship with and minister to each other, and I don't want to be excluded from that.
I want to be a part of my family. I want them to love me and to want me to be with them. I don't want to be an outsider and mess up their lives when I go home.
I don't want Elli to be an excuse for people anymore. You gave me Elli, Lord, and I need her, and she is a part of me. When people don't accept her, I feel like they don't accept me. I'm not willing to leave her at home when I want to spend time with people--I wouldn't ask them to leave their children at home.
Please help me with these things, Lord. I don't want to hold on to the anger and bitterness, but I don't know how to get rid of it.
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