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Thanks for visiting my diary. I've been journaling since 1984 and have chosen to share some of my entries online. They are not all positive thoughts, but I hope that reading them might be a blessing to someone who needs encouragement.
If you are just coming to my diary for the first time, please read my introductory entry, where I share some background that is important if you plan to follow this diary regularly.
Please also visit my music page, where you can hear samples from my debut CD, I Believe, which features songs written based on experiences shared in this journal.
A good foundation is not built on how much scripture you KNOW, but how much scripture is APPLIED to your life. (The Foundation Stones, p. 3)
I started to not write about this statement--because I agree wholeheartedly with it. But I also realize that there is something I need to write. I would do well to take five minutes before going on and make sure I really have nothing to write on a topic before skipping ahead just because I agree.
I always felt that something was missing in church growing up. I hated "memory verses," and I hated fill in the blanks. I felt like I wasn't really getting "fed," like there was so much more that I wasn't even being exposed to. All the memory verses in the world would not make me a Christian, but I met a lot of people who could quote a lot more verses than I could. I even felt intimidated by them.
I think that all this disgust actually contributed to my apathy about reading the Bible. When I did read it, I didn't understand most of what I read; and no one helped me explore the difficult questions I encountered inside myself while reading. Does God still heal? Could so-and-so's hateful behavior be caused by demonic influence? Does God still speak through dreams? ... I found myself trying to have faith without reading.
God was merciful to me in January, 1992. He answered me in spite of my doubts. I see now that this was His way of helping me with those hard questions, calling me to a life of faith even though many people around me might not achieve that same level even if they were in leadership positions in the church."God is who He says He is, and God can do what He says He can do!" But even that very small faith that seems like more doubt than faith sprang from my reading of the Word. Here is a misconception I have had: that if I read I will suddenly have gigantic faith. No, often it's just a question or curiosity that I am open enough to allow God to answer. A mustard seed. It's not an experiment to see what I can do with my faith. It's a question about what God will do and faith in Him to answer the question.
So I can't use the fact that people read the Word and become "puffed up" to justify my failure to read it at all. I can't achieve life without it! I have to alter *HOW* I'm reading it. I have to ask God to give me wisdom and reveal truth.
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